Happy with a secret

I feel like I just celebrated the new year, but it's already the beginning of the third month. Time has gone by so fast. Too fast. The thought of graduating University scares the hell out of me. When I tell people I'm about to finish Uni, they get so excited for me. "OMG you're almost done!! That's amazing! I bet you can't wait!" Fact of the matter is, I could wait a while longer. To finish highschool was no scare.. because I knew what the next step was. To finish university on the other hand.. what is next? I have a list of things in my head that I know I should start. Things that would bring me closer to adjusting to the future. But something always pulls me back. Fear is the worst. It hinders you from doing what you're capable of doing. Hinders you from being the greatest you can be. It hinders people from being the next Obama, the next Ghandi, the next Michael Jackson, the next Martin Luther King Jr. We are all people born on this earth, capable of doing anything we wanted, as long as we put our minds to it. The only thing that separates us from the great people I mentioned earlier is our differences in confidence. Confidence and lack of fear could get us so incredibly far. We could make our lives so worth while if we wanted. What tells us we can't?

For the past few months, I've been inspired to do better. To know I can do better. To know I can do more. To know that I have nothing to lose if I just try harder. To know that I have nothing to lose if I just try new things. I've watched my boyfriend grow from a boy to a man over our relationship. I've watched him change, progress, take on new responsibilities. I admit I've always felt more dominant. I was always way more academic, he was a slacker. But now, I'm still academic and he is well on his way to a successful career. He isn't afraid to fail. He tries and tries as if he has nothing to lose. Meanwhile, I'm here and all I can think about is school school school. It's all I've done, it's all I feel I can really be good at. It's difficult for me to step out of that comfort zone of school. Year after year, I always knew what was next to come - more school. And now that it's almost at a close.. wow.

I always talk about being excited to finish, excited to start working, to start getting my life in order. I'm getting there!! It's just hard to adjust to change. But we can't stay stagnant forever. Like I said, we could make our lives so much more worth while if we wanted. Time to start taking baby steps.

Ps. Every time I see him, my face never fails to light up. Even after four years.